my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
