Sry I called you an 8
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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