you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
