you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His nipple licking is glorious
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