his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
