Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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