i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
