Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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