so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
