I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
