What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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