I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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