you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
