So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
