okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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