You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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