I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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