I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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