you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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