my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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