When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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