I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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