wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Randomize
