In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
