I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
