I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
