Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize