In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
