this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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