You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
