Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
