Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ladies don't puke and tell
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
