Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
