if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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