You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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