my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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