You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
