I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
