i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this will be a night to untag.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
