i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
