Me. At least after what I've been through.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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