Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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