she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
