whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
