uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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