I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
