i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
