I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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