Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
