It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did i walk over a car last night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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