Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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