I would do horrible things to your vagina.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased