She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
and you fell through a lawn chair
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
