and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
