dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
