My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
