Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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