What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
40s are totally the cure
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
