I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
