My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
