I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i love accidental penises.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
