Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
