he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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