my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
