Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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