roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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