i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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