I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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