i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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