you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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