VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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