i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
