she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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