In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
