My hand turned me down
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
