i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
